Wednesday, December 17, 2008

No Rain, but snow in the forecast

In 1993, as I was getting ready to pack my Toyota and head to Kentucky, Blind Melon debuted "No Rain," and I used it often as my philosophy of life. I had long hair (like the lead singer), liberal ideologies and visions of chubby bee-girls dancing on stage with me as I did whatever it is I do.

And like this bee girl, I often felt out of sorts...that is, until I found Alice, Charlie and the Brown School. Suddenly, I felt there was a place for waltzing insects and other misfit toys. That was my comfort zone and now, out in the odd Universe again, I'm out of my comfort zone and neurotic. At Brown, being odd and unpredictable was the norm and a part of its hidden curriculum. Outside of Brown, the world is judgmental, harsh and controlling. It makes me very nervous. It saddens me and I wish for more Maudes.

I thought of the video yesterday morning when I went to a meeting and started sweating. I don't know what started the attack, but I got very nervous and didn't want to be there (I'm calling it mid-thirty male menopause). I got up, excused myself and left to walk outside. I wanted to find an apiary of chunky girls with glasses so I could say, "there...there. We know they laugh at you, but that's their problem." I wasn't laughed at, but the critical nature of higher education makes me very protective of the dweebs, geeks and weirdos out there, like myself, who don't feel comfortable flaunting perfection and truth onto other beings as the gospel. I have a strange aversion to the scientist peering into the microscope as an authority of the petri dish. No, some of us communicate in different ways and there needs to be better constructed places for our expression.

I thought of the video today as I calmed my mini-panic attack down and tried to restructure what it is I am trying to do in my life of higher education. Nothing makes me happier than knowing that those of us who are abnormal are a lot more normal than we think. We don't need to be reminded of the superior/inferior worlds that is preached at the academy because we'd rather be singing with Blind Melon.

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